For those who have not been paying attention to the news or blogosphere lately, former presidential candidate John Edwards and his wife Elizabeth have legally separated. When I first heard this, I knew I had to write about it. Before I start, let me give you a little background information on what has been going on with these two. From my understanding Elizabeth has cancer and John cheated on her after he already knew of her diagnosis. He fathered a love child with his mistress, which he initially denied, and allegedley there's a sex tape out of him and the other woman. To top all that off, there are rumors that John may have put his hands on Elizabeth! John Edwards is not the first politician to cheat on his wife, nor is he the first (or last) man to betray his wife. Elizabeth, though, is one of the few wives in the political spotlight to leave. Why is that? Why is it that women stay in bad relationships?
From my 20 something years of observing women in unhealthy relationships I've come up with three of the most popular reasons why women remain in them: Comfort, insecurity/fear, and "for the kids". In some ways all three of these reasons tend to feed off of each other. At times when a woman becomes comfortable in a relationship her vision gets cloudy and it becomes hard for her to see herself with anyone else. If the relationship turns from good to bad, she may endure it because she is fearful of being alone or because she feels she can't do any better. This leads her to make excuses like, "I need to stay with him for the kids." What we, as women, need to realize is that we don't need a no good man for anything! Question is, how do we come to realize that?
First thing's first, KNOW YOUR WORTH!!! You have to understand that you matter. If the man in your life doesn't recognize that then get rid of him...plain and simple! Next, you have to open your eyes and let yourself see what you've been refusing to pay attention to. Learn how to differentiate between good and bad by trusting your gut. Nothing I'm saying is new. The same thing has been said in many different ways before, but the dialogue won't get old until more women follow the lead of Elizabeth Edwards and others like her.
I could go on and on about this topic, and perhaps I'll do a Part II on this subject, but for now I just want to get a conversation going. Why do you think women are so prone to remaining in unhealthy relationships?
No matter why the relationship is bad, I think that comfort and insecurity/fear are the reasons why women stay in relationships that are not emotionally, physically, or psychologically healthy for them. Often women mistake mistake the need for comfort and their insecurities/fears for love, or as I prefer to believe, women willingly choose to believe, despite knowing better, that their need for comfort and their insecurities/fear is love. Ending a relationship, particularly a marriage, can be a very painful, embarrassing, and drawn out process. Can you imagine being married for 15 years and having to end the marriage and starting a new relationship with someone else? It's so exhausting getting to now someone new! So what do women do? They stick with what they know because it's easier, they already know what to expect, there are less surprises.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to know exactly why she left why so many wives who have husbands in politics choose to stay. Her having cancer might have something to do with it, she has enough stress already and his situation is full of drama. Mental and emotional health is just as important when trying to fight an illness, and without him around her fight with cancer, and hopefully her eventual recovery/remission might be that much better without him.